Dating Confidence

Online Dating & My Self Confidence

My first attempt at online dating was when I was 23, a whole 8 years ago when it was still considered kinda creepy, weird and totally soul destroying to find a mate through the wonders of the internet. The last time I spoke to a stranger online was when I was about 14…in a chat room…on my parent’s dial-up internet to some chap who sent me a photo of his penis instead of a standard “hello” greeting. I initially signed up to online dating as a bet with a male friend of mine to see who could get a date first…he won. I failed miserably. Not only was I un-loveable in real life, but I was rejected from complete strangers who had no interest for some of my heavily cropped and filtered within an inch of its life profile pics! Assholes!

“They saw the label of lesbian and assumed I was all about having threesomes”

The only attention I gained was in the form of straight couples wanting to invite me into their world of perverted experimentation.They saw the label of lesbian and assumed I was all about having threesomes or ‘doing’ the wife as the husband watched. Nope. I just wanted someone to watch “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” with me and occasionally spoon. Alas I quickly deleted my account and just pretended it never happened.

It was only about 7 years later after I found myself single again that I thought I would give it a try… properly. I had a messy breakup and my best friend insisted that this would help but it was hard. So many different sites that I had no idea what to choose. What would cater for my needs that would also allow me to view my messages without charging me extortionate prices! I still couldn’t shake the stigma of online dating as an embarrassment so it was a dirty little secret for a while until I realized…it’s ok…because everyone is doing it!


Finding a date and indulging in a relationship is not as easy as walking into a bar, bumping into them on the tube or realizing your best mate was ‘the one’ after all! Why? Because this is real life and not a movie! We lead busy lives, we’re fussy as hell and I like to think that I can go out and have a good time with my mates and not worry about pulling. However my peers, friends, family and watching too much TV tells me I need to come the fuck on before I die alone mauled to death by my 27 cats.

“I got nothing. Not even a spam message from the website administrator trying to sell me more shit!”

I tested out a few sites like My Single Friend, Guardian Soul Mates & eHarmony but the lack of ‘likes’ I got really wrecked my self confidence. Another friend joined at the same time and instantly received messages and date proposals on a weekly basis often multiple times. I got nothing. Not even a spam message from the website administrator trying to sell me more shit! The objective was counter-productive and I hated my friend for talking me into this. Like imagine being dismissed before anyone even talks to you! They’re literally going on your profile photo and your description… so basically those who ignore you are saying you’re ugly and boring. #heartbreaking. Needless to say that I stopped my subscription and told myself that I’m better than this… whilst weeping into my pillow at night and screaming “why won’t they love me?!!”

I again left the cyber dating world for a few months, however with further encouragement from my friends (who were becoming increasingly worried about my singledom as if my lack of a partner somehow effected them) and copious amounts of wine… I figured I would jump in again but this time I refused to pay to be rejected! I also had my best friend dictate my profile description to me so I couldn’t be held responsible for nobody liking what they read! So I signed up to Gaydar Girls which is essentially a list of girls wanting a booty call. “so here’s my number call me and I’ll meet you tonight?” Urmmm no. How about I don’t but thank you for your time, however your desperation may be suited elsewhere. Now I wasn’t looking for a wifey at all… but neither was I prepared for fruitless hook ups with girls who started a conversation with “I find black women so exotic!” I’m from a small market town, ride a bicycle because I can’t drive and my favourite show is Hollyoaks….exotic is one word I ain’t!

Either way a breakthrough ensued. I was chatting to randoms every time I logged on and it was fun! Maybe I had to try a little harder, maybe I had to care a little less… or maybe I really am awesome and everyone wants to have sex with me! (It’s ok I just vommed in my mouth too!) Of course I had zero intention to meet this girls (baby steps) but I was happy I finally got what I came for… a sweet little confidence boost.

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