Sometimes the reason for your single lifestyle has nothing to do with you as you’re a hoot and it’s everyone else who is clearly crazy. However, sometimes the reason for your single lifestyle is because you’re a dickhead and make bad decisions. To help keep you on the right road of righteous dating good times, here are my top 3 no no types of women when attempting this love thing!
One – The Over Thinker Continue reading
It’s one of my best friends stag parties this year of which I am organising, and I had to sit him down and have a little word with him and his groom-zilla demands! If I hear the words “I’m only planning to get married once” one more time! Is it not bad enough I have to pretend that my friend’s forthcoming nuptials is not another reminder that my womb is fast becoming fossilised and obsolete! The joys of another wedding with no plus one is just one step closer to death by cats and Adele on loop!
“Is it not bad enough I have to pretend that my friend’s forthcoming nuptials is not another reminder that my womb is fast becoming fossilised and obsolete!”
The movie 500 Days of Summer is one of my favourites. A story of boy meets girl, boy falls way harder than girl…and girl basically is a bitch. It’s a true portrayal of a classic love story that is not the regurgitated fairytale written on the inside of a greeting card.
Sometimes the object of your affection may just not be THAT into you as you so desire…and it blows! Not gonna lie, fancying someone who finds the thought of you in a romantic sense repulsive and straight up offensive is not the greatest feeling in the world. “I love you but I’m just not IN love with you.” Well feck you very much. But I digress…Someone is usually into the other a lot more and here I have highlighted 5 stages one may go through when you tell your crush/love how you feel.
Looking to jump into dating, or are you already head over heels in love – here are some observations of the dating scene in 2014!
- He who appears to care less in the relationship generally has the ball in their court! Nobody wants to be a keen Ken! The key is to be as blasé and nonchalant as you can be to the other person. Oh and as a bonus…play those AWESOME psychological games like ‘I’m not going to text you back for a few hours for no apparent reason at all.’ They’re fun. #bitter
Sometimes people shit on you from a great height and they simply move on and live happily ever after
Whether you are single, crushing on someone random, dating or in a full on committed relationship with a joint mortgage…there is ALWAYS someone who you once or still know that makes you crazy! It could be a belly flipping moment because the chemistry is beyond the realms of possibility, or mere moments of fondness as you consider “shit were they the one who got away?” whenever your partner pisses you off! Continue reading
I was thinking about the crazies one goes through when ‘falling’ in love and the chemical imbalance in your brain that makes you feel so euphoric you want to eat unicorns and shit rainbows. Listen we’ve all been there even if it was unrequited love… we all know that falling hard is on par with being clinically insane. However my fine friends, I believe that the first few moments, weeks, months of being in a relationship when it’s all romance and sexy times…. that it’s just trapped wind. In fact I would go as so far as saying it’s bordering on gastroenteritis/stomach flu. Completely absurd you say?? Well think of it like this….
“the once warm belly gurglings you thought were strawberry perfumed butterflies….have evaporated.”
The first few times I tried online dating I refused to reach out and contact any possible suitors. In my head my online presence was more than enough. A few pics and a made up blurb about me myself and I surely was sufficient to bag a date…. Right? Eh… no. I mean I would receive the odd message from people who wanted a booty call or for me to hook up with some bloke’s wife as he watched… but nothing of any substance would peak my interest.
“Rule 101 in online dating… when trying to woo someone online, do it fecking sober.”
So yay you’ve been invited to another wedding! Although your knee jerk reaction is to rip up the invite with your teeth as you fall to your knees sobbing hysterically to Toni Braxton’s ‘Unbreak My Heart’… don’t do it… just chill out! So what this invite has just reminded you that you are in fact still single with no prospect of fulfilling that ‘plus one’ anytime soon. And yes you may want to smash inanimate objects in a bitter jealous rage, but as my best mate often tells me… it’s not about you… so rein it in!
“I like to mask these feelings with vodka!”
My first attempt at online dating was when I was 23, a whole 8 years ago when it was still considered kinda creepy, weird and totally soul destroying to find a mate through the wonders of the internet. The last time I spoke to a stranger online was when I was about 14…in a chat room…on my parent’s dial-up internet to some chap who sent me a photo of his penis instead of a standard “hello” greeting. I initially signed up to online dating as a bet with a male friend of mine to see who could get a date first…he won. I failed miserably. Not only was I un-loveable in real life, but I was rejected from complete strangers who had no interest for some of my heavily cropped and filtered within an inch of its life profile pics! Assholes!
“They saw the label of lesbian and assumed I was all about having threesomes”