Go on a first date they said. It would be fun they said. Well it can be if you know what will attract and potentially repel first time suitors! Experience has taught me that dating in general, especially online dating, can be super hard. Every rom-com film suggests that two people will fall head over heels and after some calamitous wooing (with the leading man looking suspiciously like Hugh Grant!), you live happily ever after. However the real world dictates that you may have to navigate the minefield of relationships and dating with a little more thought and care before you get your happily ever after. But alas, here are 50 no no’s compiled from a personal back catalogue of first date disasters! If you avoid these then you might be set up nicely for date number two!
At the beginning of the date:
1. “Wow this menu looks great… and expensive! So how are we going to split the bill?”
2. “You remind me of my dad.”
3. “Sorry, what’s your name again?”
4. “I’m going out after this so need to be gone by 9.”
5. “You look nothing like your eharmony profile pics.”
6. “My ex has the exact same top as you.”
7. “Haha! You got me flowers. That’s so clichéd don’t you think?”
8. “Arrgh this whole dating thing is really cringe and weird.”
9. Do not excuse yourself as soon as you arrive and head to the toilets.
10. Do not make a call or answer your phone (unless it’s an emergency) when you arrive.
During the date:
11. “Can you tell how much tan I’m wearing?”
12. “I’m pretty sure you hooked up with one of my friends before.”
13. “I found you on Facebook! My friends all think you’re cute.”
14. “If this date goes badly, are you up for just being mates?”
15. “I have another date lined up tomorrow depending how tonight goes.”
16. “My therapist told me that I needed to get out there and find someone.”
17. “Sometimes I can be really annoying, but I’m funny.”
18. “You’re not my usual type.”
19. “So how many people have you slept with online?”
20. “I’m on my period.”
21. “There are so many crazy people out there. I mean, I could be a serial killer!”
22. “I really don’t want a girlfriend/boyfriend right now.”
23. “I recently went to a gig of this cool band… but you probably haven’t heard of them.”
24. “I don’t like anything on the menu.”
25. “I’m not racist but…”
26. “I’m not sexist but…”
27. “So after my last date I totally freaked out because I thought I was pregnant.”
28. “My last partner dumped me because they were gay. Are you gay?”
29. “I’m best friends with my ex and we talk every day. But don’t worry as we’re completely over.”
30. “So marks out of 10, how much fun are you having right now?”
31. “Who is that girl in your Facebook album from 2008? The one where you’re at a family christening?”
32. “Do you have plans for Valentine’s Day?”
33. “I’m reading this awesome new self-help book.”
34. “How much do you earn a year?”
35. “I’m fairly keen to start a family straight away.”
36. “How do you feel about group ‘activities’? My friend is coming by later.”
37. “Oh you really like that show? I thought you were joking.”
38. “My ex always used to say…”
39. Do not get emotional or cry. Unless it’s at the movies and then you may just appear to be cute and vulnerable rather than damaged.
40. Do not get horrendously drunk.
At the end of the date:
41. “So I’m just gonna put it out there. I think I love you.”
42. “I’m on the pill. Just in case you needed to know.”
43. “I can’t wait to introduce you to my friends.”
44. “How do you manage to eat so much and still be happy?”
45. “I’m going travelling next week for roughly 6 months.”
46. “Do you want to go onto somewhere else? I know this great strip club I think you will love.”
47. “Do you think I’m doing ok? I don’t usually go out.”
48. “I like to sleep naked.”
49. Do not yawn and keep looking at your watch or phone.
50. Do not assume there will be a kiss at the end of the night and don’t throw yourself at them. Play it cool and read the situation!
Ultimately with dating you have to go with the flow and do whatever feels natural and most importantly comfortable. Don’t try too hard… just have fun!