Each and every one of us deals with a breakup in different ways. It’s not one size fits all… it’s screw you I will handle my shit to the best of my ability… even if my ability is totally unproductive. I spent a lot of my time locked in my bedroom, wallowing in self pity and eating my way through the entire menu of Dominos Pizza. Who cares if it’s a massive textbook faux pas in moving on and may restrict you from reclaiming some self respect you casually lost… when organizing a gospel choir flash mob to win your ex back. If you need to have a spectacular emotional breakdown… then do it! Here are 5 unhealthy ways to never get over your breakup. Enjoy!
Bawl your eyes out.
Cry until you enjoy the pain of stinging sore eyes. For you to move past the ex I truly believe you have to release a vast amount of salty tears at a considerable rate. This is best executed in public because nothing screams “I’m fine” like ugly crying on public transport.
Dial the drama all the way up!
Don’t sit back and think that by maintaining your dignity will help you in the long run. Go nuts! Scream really loud at inanimate objects and start writing a diary crammed with emo song lyrics and letters to the ex that you will never send. Burn bridges and refuse to put them out with diplomacy. You owe your ex nothing so you might as well go down in a blaze of ‘uncomfortable for everyone’ glory!
All my finest decisions and acts of sanity have been conducted whilst shit faced… said no one ever. However it’s therapeutic to neck a few pints and blame everyone for your misfortunate singledom. This night out will ultimately give you ‘the fear’ for weeks to come… but you’re far too drunk to care right now. Don’t forget to take your phone with you so you can drunk text the ex and prove you’re doing just dandy without them!
The world is a beautiful place… but right now your pajamas and Netflix are your friends. Stay in bed and only leave for toilet breaks and to answer the door from the pizza delivery dude. Pour all your energy into a box set that has at least 10 seasons, just so you find it impossible to distinguish between real life and a lesbian zombie apocalypse.
The last thing you want is another relationship, but having cheeky fun with someone you have zero interest in and is only attractive when you close your eyes and picture your ex… is awesome! Maybe sleep with someone who is totally into you and just wants you to love them. These encounters are a hoot and not awkward. At all.