Category Archives: Tips

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Interview with Dating Expert – Laura Gub

With the end of 2016 slowly creeping towards us, this means the expected onslaught of people looking to kick off the new year with a new relationship is drawing ever closer. Everyone involved in online dating knows that a common new years resolution to is finally do something about being single and this means looking to join an online dating site or to kick up your efforts to a new level if you already have a profile.
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Dating As An Introvert

I’ve struggled in the past. Being an introvert, especially when it comes to dating is hard. How do you keep up and compete with someone louder, more charismatic, and funnier than you. It took me years to figure the below out, school wasn’t the easiest, everyone secretly craves the attention of their peers and trying to get that as an introvert is hard.
As I made my way through school, university and then essentially ‘growing up’ I have realised introverts and extroverts do not compete, they are apples and oranges. What appeals to one person, will typically turn someone else off.
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Online Dating Tips for Men

This weeks edition is brought to you by Gary Gunn who is the founder of the Social Attraction Academy and author of “An Education In Dating” series. Below he is offering some absolute golden nuggets of actionable info for men looking to start online dating, I cant recommend his section enough. If you are interested, please online dating guide. Thanks Gary!

MORE OFTEN THAN NOT THE MAJORITY OF DATING SITES OUT THERE WILL FOLLOW ON FROM CREATING YOUR BARE ESSENTIALS DATING PROFILE WITH A FEW ADDED QUESTIONS THAT YOU WILL NEED TO ANSWER. IT IS AT THIS IMPORTANT POINT THAT WE HAVE THE CHANCE TO WORD OUR ANSWERS IN A WAY THAT NOT ONLY ENTICES THE WOMEN READING IT, BUT ALSO ALLOWS THEM THE OPPORTUNITY TO EASILY EMAIL US TO FIND OUT MORE.

Fiction – When asked, we should aim to answer all questions when online dating directly.
Fact – Using the art of mystery entices women to want to know more about us.

By not giving the game away by answering any question directly, it also gives us the added benefit of making it much easier for women to want to send us that very first meaningful message to learn more.

Example #1: Favourite local hot spots or travel destinations?
A standard answer would be:
“I love visiting Brazil and go there as often as I can.”
Instead, answer it as:
“Certain parts of South America I cannot get enough of and it’s the culture that keeps drawing me back there for more.”
Why this works…
By being vague about the exact location in South America allows women an easy opportunity to ask us specifically where and what kind of culture we like.

Example #2: What I’m doing with my life?
A standard answer would be:
“Working a lot during the week and trying to make the most of my weekends.”
Instead, answer it as:
“I’m too busy living it to be thinking about it.”
Why this works…
The subtext here conveys that we are indeed a busy individual leading a full life whilst also not giving the game away which implies an element of mystery.

Example #3: Tell us more about your job?
A standard answer would be:
“I’m a primary school teacher who loves working with kids who also loves the long holidays in between.”
Instead, answer it as:
“Every day I wake up I can honestly say I follow my passion, and whilst some would consider it mundane, for me I chose this path because despite knowing my limits I like to push myself to them.”
Why this works…
Because essentially what we’re doing here is explaining our emotions and how we feel about our job which demonstrates what it means to us and the positive effect it has on our life but without giving the game away so again they’re left wanting more.

As always, please visit the Beginners Guide to Online Dating for the full ebook :)

Writing the Perfect Profile

I hope you have all had a great week, I’m super excited to bring this next piece for you guys to read about writing a perfect dating profile.

Writing the perfect profile is from the lovely Saskia Nelson who is the talent behind the award-winning and internationally acclaimed Hey Saturday, the UK’s coolest and original dating photography business. They specialise in creating dating photos that kick ass and win dates for 100s of single people and if you are serious about online dating, Id definitely recommend hitting her team up!
Without further ado, take it away Saskia :)

OBVIOUSLY A VITAL PART OF YOUR DATING PROFILE WILL BE THE PICTURES THAT MAKE THAT FIRST IMPRESSION, THE IMAGES THAT BACK UP THE WORDS YOU HAVE CRAFTED AND WHICH SHED A LIGHT ON, NOT JUST HOW YOU LOOK, BUT WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT. RECENT EXPERT RESEARCH HAS FOUND THAT THE WRITTEN PROFILE ON A DATING SITE MAKES UP LESS THAN 10% OF WHAT PEOPLE THINK OF YOU, WITH THIS IN MIND I HAVE ASKED THE INDUSTRY’S LEADING DATING PHOTOGRAPHY EXPERT, SASKIA NELSON, TO HELP SHARE SOME BEST PRACTICES WHEN ADDING YOUR PROFILE AND SUPPORTING PHOTOS TO GIVE YOU THE BEST START.

QUALITY PHOTOS EQUALS QUALITY DATES:

You still see a large number of profile photos that are poorly lit, blurry or just poor quality. Using good quality photos give the message that you’re serious about finding love online and that you value yourself.
If you aren’t using a professional photographer to take your photos, then head outdoors to find some nice light. Photos taken indoors without a flash are too grainy and blurry, while those taken with a flash tend to be unflattering. Heading outdoors will give you the light you need for pin sharp, good quality images.

EXPRESS YOURSELF

The easiest way to showcase your personality is through the clothes you wear. Choose outfits that make you feel confident and attractive. If your wardrobe is leaving you uninspired, it might be time to treat yourself to something new, just as you would for that hot date.

FAKE IT ‘TIL YOU MAKE IT

The one thing that makes the difference between a nice photo and an awesome one, comes down to one thing – your levels of self-confidence. It’s often hard to summon up high levels of confidence especially with a camera lens pointing at you, so go for the tried-and-tested ‘fake it ‘til you make it’ trick.

GO WHERE YOU LOVE:

Heading somewhere you love can help add value to your photos by giving more of a clue about who you are. If you feel more comfortable in parks and public gardens, head there. Or perhaps you feel more at home in amongst quirky street art. Make sure your background isn’t too messy and enhances your story rather than detracts from it. Remember you aren’t just showcasing you but you’re showcasing your lifestyle too.

I hope those short tips have been useful, for more from Saskia, go download the Beginners Guide to Online Dating and bask in eternal dating glory!
Until next week…

Psychology of Online Dating

Next up in our Beginners Guide to Online Dating we have Madeleine Mason.

Madeleine is a psychologist and director of dating expert company PassionSmiths. She helps people struggling in their dating and relationship life, seeing people in private one-to-one sessions or via Skype. She also runs seminars and events, regularly contributes to Psychologies magazine lifelab blog and is editor of the Vialucci Magazines Romance Section.

Madeleine has written about the psychology of online dating and is well worth a read, for the full transcript visit the Beginners Guide to Online Dating

ONLINE DATING IS JUST ONE WAY OF MEETING PEOPLE REGARDLESS OF WHETHER YOU USE APPS OR WEBSITES. IT IS NOT MUCH DIFFERENT THAN GOING TO A CLUB, EXCEPT YOU NEEDN’T GO OUT, DRESS UP OR GET DRUNK TO MEET ANYONE. AS WITH CLUBS, LOOKS MATTER, AND THOSE WHO HAVE PUT MOST EFFORT IN AT LOOKING THEIR BEST ARE MOST LIKELY TO MEET SOMEONE. SOME PEOPLE MAY BE SINGLE, OTHERS PRETEND TO BE, SOME PEOPLE ARE GENUINE, SOME ARE NOT. THE SAME GOES FOR ONLINE DATING. IN THIS SECTION I WILL TAKE YOU THROUGH THE TYPICAL EXPERIENCES YOU WILL ENCOUNTER AND HOW YOU MIGHT DEAL WITH EACH PART OF THE ‘JOURNEY’ ON DATING ONLINE

Drawing on the analogy of ‘going out’ where you start the evening with hopeful anticipation of meeting someone you fancy, the same applies to when you start out with online dating. The beginning is often filled with hope that there is someone out there for you, and more often than not there is, but you need to put in a certain amount of time and effort in creating a great profile and contacting people. The quality of the profile reflects how serious you are about meeting someone. If at a conscious level you think you are ready to meet someone, but create a mediocre and sloppy profile page, you have set yourself up for failure. Don’t do it. Nobody can see your great personality behind lousy photos and self-conscious declarations of ‘I’m not sure what to write here’.

Tip: Use the goldilocks principle of not too much information and not too little

As with most beginnings, you are likely to feel excited, something lies ahead, it could be great, but you don’t know.
For anyone who has tried job hunting, you will learn that the process of meeting someone online is not too dissimilar. Knowing what you are looking for is key. Some of my clients fall in this category where the chief complaint is ‘I keep meeting the wrong person’, ‘why do I always attract the weird ones?’ or some variant. The trick is being clear about what you are looking for, being ok with asking for that and most importantly not being needy about it. This demonstrates confidence, and confidence is attractive.

As with in a club or indeed a recruitment process, you will be rejected. Some people simply don’t reply to your advances, others may actively decline. Do not take it personally. You do not know what is going on in people’s lives. Some may have just met someone from the site, be busy with work, out of credit on their subscription, in need of a break from online dating, inundated with messages, lost their cat, getting back with their ex, whatever. Treat each non-answer as that and move on.

For those contacts you do engage in, unless you are looking for a pen pal, get the communication offline as soon as you feel comfortable with the person or know enough about them for you to want to meet them. Flirt and banter is fine, but if this continues indefinitely you risk disappointment when you meet. The brain has a habit of ‘filling-in-the-blanks’. Any incomplete information you have about someone, your mind is likely to conjure.

Thanks Madeleine! I hope you are all enjoying the series, if you cant wait for next week, then head over and download the full Online Dating Guide

Keeping Safe When Online Dating

ONLINE DATING IN THE UK IS ON THE RISE WITH MONTHLY USERS INCREASING 13 PERCENT, WHICH MEANS THERE ARE NOW OVER 8 MILLION USERS INVOLVED IN ONLINE DATING IN THE UK. THE INDUSTRY ISN’T A NEW SHINY OBJECT ANYMORE AND IS PREDICTED TO BE WORTH OVER £225 MILLION BY 2019 IN THE UK.

AS MORE AND MORE PEOPLE LOOK ONLINE TO PURSUE A NEW RELATIONSHIP, WE WANT TO HELP GUIDE THE NEWCOMERS INTO THIS NEW AND EXCITING WORLD.

In light of this we have created a completely free “Beginners Guide to Online Dating” in partnership with some of the UK’s most famed dating experts. Over the next 4 weeks, we’ll be sharing a snippet from a few of our professionals to give you a taste of our guide, if you want more, then simply head over and download the full guide, be quikc it might not be free forever!!

So to kick this off, our first contributor is Ann from the Online Dating Association (ODA) who will share some info on staying safe when online dating, rememebr if you want the full resource, head over to the beginners Guide to Online Dating – take it away Ann!

Staying Safe When Online Dating

The safety of those using online dating is a primary concern across the industry, however you should think about your own personal safety too. When you embark on online dating you will be thinking a lot about what you want from a relationship but you should always be giving thought as to how to stay safe. Use care and common sense when communicating with or meeting new people, both online and offline.Below we have listed a few tips to help you have a safe experience, for more information please visit the ODA website and the organisations we recommend.

1. Protect your Identity When Crafting Your Online Dating Profile
Most sites will encourage you to create a User Name that does not contain your surname and doesn’t let everyone know who you are, this will help keep your personal information as anonymous as possible to the overall users.
Remember sexually explicit, provocative or controversial user names could attract the wrong kind of attention.
Stay in control when it comes to how and when you share information and don’t share personal details until you are ready. It is also best to avoid including contact information such as your email address, home address, where you work or your phone numbers in your profile.

2. Getting To Know New People And Protecting Yourself
When getting to know people, take your time and trust your instincts. When having a conversation online think whether you would be saying and sharing the same things if you were meeting the other person face-to-face.
Dating sites often offer mail and chat services so you can get to know people in a safe and controlled environment. Make the most of their platforms and the added security it gives you.
Top Tip – Take care when providing contact details to people who say their subscription is about to end. A common behaviour of scammers is to take the conversation away from the safety of the dating site as quickly as possible.

3.Be Aware Of The Warning Signs of a Scammer
Although the vast majority of individuals who use online dating services are honest about the information they give, as with all social networking sites, there may be some exceptions.
Below are a few examples of behaviours to watch out for:
Moving too quickly – Be cautious if the relationship progresses quicker than you are comfortable with. Sudden declarations of love may sound nice but other motives could be there. Use common sense and don’t be afraid to speak to a friend to get a second opinion.
Irregular behaviour – If the person seems vague, tries to take the conversation offline, has an unlikely story or acts inappropriately, then proceed with caution and don’t hesitate to report them.

4. Requests for money
Some scammers will look to gain your sympathy with emotional stories of ill relatives, financial difficulties or urgent job opportunities. Look out! Any request for money at any point should ring alarm bells.
Investment opportunities – Beware of anyone offering you ways to get rich quick by putting your money into investment schemes. You are online to meet people and make new relationships, not to act as a charity.

Top Tip – Online dating sites work hard to moderate profiles, however it is always worth doing some research of your own before meeting someone for the first time. Try searching for social media profiles or do a web search to see if there are any records or images of the person online. For example check their LinkedIn or run a Google Image search to check any photos provided.

To read more and for the full guide, please visit our beginners guide to online dating

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10 Updated And Relevant Wedding Vows

So you’ve finally bagged ‘the one’ and life is just brimming with amazingness and a military styled operation for organising your big day! You may opt for the traditional route when it comes to your wedding vows and recite the “til death do us part… for richer or poorer…” And then you see ‘honour and obey’ and realise hold up! We are no longer living in the 17th century where anyone has to obey his or her spouse. It’s 2015 and everyone should be equal because teamwork makes the dream work! (I just chundered at my own cringe too!) So as an alternative, here are 10 modern vows for those wanting to be a little more creative on their wedding day!

I pledge to you that I will try… really hard to trust your judgement when it comes to map reading and buying the correct brand of washing powder when you go shopping without me.

I promise that I will not roll my eyes and call you a patronising liar when you try to compliment me.

I vow to you that if or when the zombie apocalypse kicks off, I will stand by your side with some sort of stabbing weapon. And when you turn into a zombie I promise to not run for the hills but instead look after you chained up in the garden shed.

I promise that I will love you as much as I love pizza.

I vow that when Netflix asks me to watch another episode of our favourite show, I will have the strength to just say no until we can watch it together.

I pledge that I will remember that neither of us are perfect, and refrain from shouting at you when I’m hungry.

I promise that I will continue to make inappropriate flirty comments even when we’re 80 and wearing incontinence pants.

I vow that I will support you in all of your endeavours, even if I think you’re probably making a huge mistake.

I pledge to you that I will shower you with as much love and affection as I do my cat/dog.

I promise that I will appreciate and honour our differences, even though that weird thing you do when you’re eating winds me up… because it’s our differences that make our journey together that much more interesting!

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3 Reasons Why Being Single Is Hard Work

Staying upbeat and positive when you’re single and everything in your life appears to tell you that there’s something wrong with you… can be tough. It’s easier to accept the fact that the reason for crying into your lonely pillow each night is because you’re hideous and it’s ALL your fault. But instead why not take a step back and realise that the feelings you attribute with being single are totally normal. It’s ok to feel sad or experience that indescribable need to fill a void. These emotions don’t make you immature or hopeless… they just make you human!

Sometimes a little time out from dating works wonders!

Dating can be exhausting. Fact! Of course continue to enrich your life with awesomeness like travel… learning a new language or try a new mash-up version of Pilates and Yoga! But if you feel spent from trawling through online dating profiles or having the same conversations with strangers in a bar… then have a siesta! It’s more than ok to just chill out and give yourself time to get excited about dating again… despite the annoying cries from friends and family of “You just need to get out there!”

Wanting to be in a relationship doesn’t mean you don’t love yourself!

Hey I love myself just fine… but I still would like a partner! Self-compassion is super important and feeling content with who you are in life is a given. We all should keep working at being better versions of ourselves everyday of the week… but you shouldn’t feel like you have to achieve fame and fortune to be entitled to love. And just because you are actively looking for love doesn’t mean your life is unfulfilled.

Actively seeking a relationship doesn’t mean you’re desperate!

As humans it is completely natural to crave a romantic connection. The idea of wanting something so badly is often seen as a red flag and dismissed as a silly notion followed by “you’re just not ready if you want it that bad!” Yes the pungent smell of desperation is not attractive to anyone… but just because you want to be with someone, doesn’t necessarily mean you’re a clueless idiot! Knowing what you want in life is a good thing. We’re told everyday to set goals and aspire to something lovely and great… and if that something lovely is a relationship… then why the hell not!